November 7, 2015
Ready to Go
I can't really explain what has happened other than to say I think my feeling better was part-and-parcel to the decision I made to "go" and in doing that, I felt the release of pressure and the relief of contention subside. I guess I didn't really see how "stuck" I was until I experienced a lessening of the grip that was holding on to me. Once that hold was released, well, then I started to feel better, to sense that I was on the mend, so to speak. I know this sounds crazy, but I cannot explain how I went from feeling so awful to feeling so better in just a short amount of time. Physically, it makes no sense at all since I suffer from these ailments (chronic fatigue, menopause, etc.) on a regular basis. I could say, "I am healed," but I know that I am not. I may be feeling better, and I am, but the CFS and the menopause systems are not going to magically disappear. So there has to be something else at play, something else that is responsible for my generally feeling of wellness.
I am thanking the Lord today for His goodness. I am feeling so much better, so much better, and now I can see my way through to the end of this semester, and even into the beginnings of the New Year. I don't have all the details fleshed out yet, but what I do have, is significant. I feel better, and in feeling better, I am now able to see the way to go. You see, my vision was clouded by the circumstances of my life, the fact that I had so many unknowns facing me. In addition to my question of work (as in what work will I do long-term), there was the question of my parents health (specifically my Mom's), and their long-term care plans. I also had lingering concerns about my son's schooling, his needs for school, and this sense that he needed to remain right where he is for the time being (school, work, ministry -- everything as is). This left me feeling like I was stuck between a rock and a hard spot. I felt the Lord calling me to "go," but how could I go when my parents needed me here to care for them. How could I go when I wasn't sure if the work I was doing now was going to be "good" for the long haul? Furthermore, how could I go when I lacked the resources to go, and the knowledge of where I was to settle? I mean, I have considered so many options, so many places, and nothing seemed to gel with me. Now, I am feeling His leading again, His whisper to me saying "It is time to go," and I wonder again, "How will we go?"
Sigh! I know that there is nothing I can do but to LISTEN. I don't know what will come, but I am confident that the Lord will bring to pass whatever He chooses, and I know that it will be GOOD. So VERY GOOD.