I am also thinking that the reason why I feel a bit off today is because I am sensing His movement in my life. I am sensing that He is going, leading me on, and that He is not waiting for me to think this matter through. I was reading Isaiah 43:16-21 NIV, and this is the scripture that stuck in my head today:
This is what the LORD says — He Who made a way through the sea, a path through the mighty waters, Who drew out the chariots and horses, the army and reinforcements together, and they lay there, never to rise again, extinguished, snuffed out like a wick: “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland. The wild animals honor Me, the jackals and the owls, because I provide water in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland, to give drink to My people, My chosen, the people I formed for Myself that they may proclaim My praise."I love this set of verses because it reminds me that the Lord calls us to move forward in life, and not stay stuck in the past. He is always working on new things, and while He never forgets what has come before, He is always forward-thinking -- He is strategically working toward the fulfillment of His grand scheme, His will for mankind and the return of His beloved Son, Jesus (come, Lord Jesus, come to us soon!)
As I think about this fact today, I am struck by the fact that the Lord never tarries. He doesn't stand still, He is always moving in and out, going here and there, and in doing so, He is always working on our behalf. Often, we see His slowness as a negative thing in our life, when in reality, His slowness is for our benefit and not His. He is able to create possibilities in the "here and now," but often we cannot handle that sort of change in our life because it would be too stark a contrast, to big a jolt, to hard for us to tolerate. So He patiently waits, patiently applies the leverage, and in the end, He moves when He is ready, and when He knows we are ready as well.
I know that the Lord has been patiently waiting for me to get up and go. He has asked me to go several times now, and while I have said, "Yes, Lord, I will go," the truth is that I haven't really gone anywhere at all. I simply assented to His going, but I never actually moved or followed after Him. I think this is why I have felt stuck for so long. It wasn't that He didn't move me, but rather that I refused to let go of the hold I had on this life, and I was unwilling to trust Him to provide for me and to lead me to good pastures, good land, and a good place to call home.
Ready to Go
I am now ready to go. I feel it inside me, and I am longing to get going. I see that I have caused this delay, that I have left things hold me here far too long, and in many ways, I was like Lot's wife, and I lingered in the past for too long. Now, though, I have let go of my hold, and I have set my face and my feet toward the direction of His leading. I am ready now, and I am willing to follow after Him.
In some ways, I am filled with excitement at what the Lord has planned for me. In other ways, I am thinking about what I am leaving behind, and while I am no longer scared to leave (as I once was), there is sorrow in my heart and in my mind about the "leaving" part. Yet, I know I must follow the Lord because the plans He has for my life are significant. I know this to be true, I feel it in my bones, and I am utterly convinced of it. In fact, I would say that I am more convinced today than I have been in the previous months or even past year. I am convinced, absolutely convinced that this is the way He intends for me to go.
Moving is hard. Moving is always difficult. Moving is a challenge, and it causes such upheaval. But moving is a good thing because it means change, and change while not always a comfortable thing, does usually bring good outcomes. I am so ready for some change. In fact, I am ready to go today, should the news come to me that there is a job interview for me. But, I know I must wait, and that means I must be patient until the Lord chooses the right time for everything to come to pass. The good news is that I feel ready to accept this call. I feel so good about it, like a beautiful package has arrived on my doorstep, and it is there for me to open. I don't know what tomorrow will bring, but I know that God has this all figured out, and He hasn't let me down yet. I trust Him, I believe in Him, and I rely and abide in Him. He is good, so very good to me.
Looking Forward to Change
Yes, I am actually going to say this aloud today. I am looking forward to change, well, to this change. I am so ready to try something new, to do something different and to experience a new outcome. You see, I have been content for a long while. I have been content to be where I was at because I believed it was for a purpose and reason. That reason was to facilitate my schooling, and now that I am at the end of that long road, I am ready to do something different. I have enjoyed my time in my present occupation, but today, I realized that I am bored with this work. It is good work, don't get me wrong, and I enjoy my students, but I am bored teaching the same classes over and over again. One of my colleagues teaches the same courses as I do, and I found out today that she has been teaching since 2004. That means for 11 years, semester after semester, she has taught the exact same classes. Same content. Same assignments. I thought about that today, and I realized, that teaching the same thing would kill me. I cannot do the same thing over and over again. I need the challenge, I need the stimulation, and I need work that is always changing. Why else do I change my hair, my computers, my desk, etc. I am always changing things because I get bored so easily.
I don't mean to make like of my profession because it is a noble profession, but I started to think about it today, you know, really think about it. I realized that sameness is the death knell for me. It always has been ever since I was a child. I have always needed more work, harder work, and I get very frustrated when I cannot have different things to do. My brain is wired this way, and while teaching presented a challenge initially, I have now settled into a routine and I see the sameness of this life -- repeating itself -- over and over, and that is not a good thing. For me, I mean.
I am ready to move, to get going, to try a different line of work. I see that all my time here has been good. There has been good practical benefit, but now I am ready to do something different, and that something is up to the Lord. I am waiting for His hand to reveal it, to bring it to me, and when He does, I will go. I will follow Him, and I will try something new. It is a good thing, a very good thing.