May 1, 2016
Break of Day
I prayed throughout the entire ordeal, and I felt the Lord say to me, "Trust me." Okay, Lord, you know my situation. You know that I don't have the money set aside for another repair, especially not with this car. I need this problem solved, and I don't know how to do it. I am trusting you to provide a way out of this problem, some resolution so we can move forward. My son needs his car to get to school and work, and without it, he will have to use my car. I need my car as well, so I am at a loss as to how to even begin to fix this big UNKNOWN right now. Help me, Lord? Please help me, and show me the way to go this good, good day.
The good news, if there is any, is that on the way home, my Dad stopped at Dunkin Donuts, and I got myself a Boston Cream donut as a consolation prize. Okay, so not on the diet, and not the best thing to eat, but you know, it sort of made up for being hauled out of the house so early on a Sunday morning. Yeah, I'll take it. I will take it any day of the week! Selah!
My plans for the day were simple. Get up, enjoy my restful morning, head over to church, be blessed at church, head home. Work on my paper. Rest. Enjoy the family. Praise God for His goodness.
Now my plans are simple. Rest. Yes, I will rest in the sufficiency of my God. I cannot allow this present circumstance to dictate my blessed future. God will provide. He will prevail, and He will show me what to do. I trust Him. I believe in Him. I know He will do it.
The solution to this problem is to get rid of this car. Yes, this is the answer, but the process of getting rid of this car is not so simple. I have spent so much money repairing this car. I was assured by Triple AAA that everything that would fail on this car has failed and has been replaced. Whatever is the problem today is clearly the result of some oversight on their part. They assured me, after I forked over $1000 that the problem -- all the problems -- had been fixed. Now, I am left wondering as to what might be the cause of the issue. Oh, Lord, please help me know the truth in this matter. Please help me navigate this problem with your grace, and provide a solution to me that will work for us. I ask this now in Jesus' Name. Amen.
I had hoped to be able to replace my son's car at some point this year. In fact, I had wanted to replace his car last spring, before all this happened. Now, I am not in any position to do anything at all, and while my son does work, he doesn't have thousands of dollars on him to buy his own car. I could just say "tough luck," but that is not going to help him out. I mean, he is a student, on a scholarship, and as part of his scholarship, he has to perform with the school. He was on a school performance trip today when his car broke down. He has to be able to get to school, and he has to be able to have reliable transportation in order to keep his scholarship.
This is one of those "if only" moments. You know, "If only I had a good job where I was making boo-koo bucks, then I could buy a second-hand car for him." Or "If only I had a good job where I was making boo-koo bucks, I could pay for these repairs and not worry about the cost." Instead, I am a poor adjunct instructor with no extra money laying about. What is more, I am not working now. I am off for the summer, and that means I have 2 and a half months without any income. My savings is set aside to pay my bills. I cannot charge to my credit cards -- they are already maxed out -- so there is no money to fix his car. No money. Nada. None.
This is a miracle moment. I need a miracle. I need the Lord to intervene and save us. I believe He can do it, and I believe He will do it. He will provide. He will make a way. I believe that He will do it. He is good. He is good. He is good.
But, what if He doesn't do anything? What will you do then? I don't see that has a possibility, but should the Lord choose not to provide some solution to us, then I would continue to pray, to patiently wait, and to rest in the knowledge that He will deliver us. In time. In some length of time. We will make do. We will hang on. We will wait.
Panic is not the Answer
Right now, I would like to panic. But, I cannot do that. In fact, right now I am in pain, searing pain. My middle back is aching. I woke up this morning with a backache -- right in the middle of my back, right where my bra strap crosses, and it hurts to breathe in and out. I don't know how this happened. I felt the pain in the middle of the night. I got up, went to the bathroom, and when I came back the pain started. The pressure has been building steadily, and right now, I feel awful. I've stretched already. I have done some warm up exercises to get the body moving. Nothing has worked. I am sure that this problem is related to my posture, to my sitting in one place all day, and to my evening spent hanging out via video chat with my good friend. I am stiff, sore, and feeling stressed. I don't need this today. Not today. Not ever.
I refuse to panic. I refuse to give in to the stress I feel right now. Instead, I am going to rest. I am going to lay down for a while, and take a nap. Everything always looks better after a good nap. Everything always seems better after a solid couple hours of sleep.