Yesterday turned out to be a good day. Yes, even without our AC, I managed to accomplish quite a bit of work. I took care of my son's car, and today, I have to go down to the Junkyard to transfer the title and pick up my check. My hope is that I can get this squared away later this afternoon. Check another item off the to-do list! Ta-dum!
I am feeling overwhelmed today, and I guess it is par for the course considering how great I felt yesterday. You know, it is up and down, up and down. Right now, my life seems to be set where one day is great, and the next, not so great. I am stuck in this yo-yo pattern, and I don't know why. What is worse is that I have this feeling as if I have done something wrong. At first, I thought it was because I applied for a job teaching online at ASU (our state school), but now I am thinking I am being condemned. You know -- stress comes as a result of fear -- fear comes as a result of condemnation. Yes, I know my greatest fear is failure, and yet, I have taken steps to let this fear go. I mean, the Lord is handling my dissertation and the job I do, so I shouldn't be worried about failing right now. I know He has me well-covered.
I'm sitting here right now trying to figure this out. I want to feel better, to feel free again (like I did yesterday), but instead, all I feel is panicked, fearful, and anxious. Matthew 6:34 says, "So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today's trouble is enough for today." These words are a good reminder that today is worry enough. When we start to think about tomorrow (or our future), we can easily become overwhelmed by all that is unknown. I do this often, every day, in fact. I sit here and contemplate about my life three years from now. I worry about events that haven't even happened yet.
Today, though, I am determined to not worry about tomorrow, but to let tomorrow take care of itself. Furthermore, I am choosing to place my faith, my trust, and yes, my rest and relaxation in the Lord's hands. I mean, He is the author and finisher of my faith, thus, I can trust Him to handle everything that concerns me this good, good day.
Making Some Progress
So, my proposal sits at 45 pages in length. Of this 45, some 20 or so pages need to be edited and revised for content. Also, I have about 20 more sources to factor into my literature review before I can move on to my methods section. My proposal so far looks good. It is not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but it is getting there — getting into better shape — and in time (within the week), I hope to be able to send it off for review. My chair is outrageously busy, so I am not bugging him with my needs just yet. I plan to finish my proposal and send it to him for feedback. I am moving ahead and preparing my proposal presentation (power point) to present to my committee for an early June defense. This is my prayer, and I do believe this is the Lord’s will. I need to get my proposal approved before I can begin my research. I plan to spend June and July researching so that I can write my findings up in August and early September. My prayer is to be ready to defend come October or early November (Lord willing). I am okay if my defense happens later in the fall, say in early December. I just would like to be able to head into the spring with minor revisions so I can graduate next May.
This whole research process has been difficult. I mean, really difficult. I guess you could say that while I love social science, I must prefer to conduct literary criticism. I much prefer to work solely on a project and not actually do scientific analysis. Still, this is my field, my new field, so I have to finish this project. My prayer is that the Lord will be pleased, as it is after all, His work. I give Him all the honor and the praise today. He is worthy, and I readily lay down my efforts so that He will be praised.
Off to work we go…