June 6, 2016
In other news this morning, it appears my class on campus has been cancelled. I won't know for sure until I receive the official email, but with three students enrolled, the rule is to cancel ground classes. I felt this would be the case this weekend, but I had to wait until today to get word back from campus. In some ways, I am happy about it. I was blessed to have the income, and I was so excited to be able to teach a summer class. That is, until, I saw that I was teaching a campus class formatted for nontraditional students. This meant that the curriculum was altered from what I normally teach and the schedule so tightly compacted that it was going to be so much work to revise my lesson plans. However, I was blessed to be considered. Blessed to have the opportunity for more money. Now, though, I am thinking that it is better to stay home and trust the Lord for His complete provision. Not that this wasn't His will, because I think it was. Rather, it is just that I was feeling uneasy about the whole thing, no peace really, and then when the student count didn't show up as promised, I was praying for the course to be cancelled. Am I crazy or what?
I believe that the Lord has a perfect plan for my life. That means that it is perfectly designed by a perfect God. It doesn't mean that I expect my life to be perfect or that His plans will appear to be perfect to me. In fact, they may appear to be just the opposite. They may appear to be far from perfect. But, because of His great love and affection for me, I can rest in the knowledge that His plans are indeed perfectly suited toward me and toward the completion, the finalization of His will. Selah!
My life is in His hands now, and whatever He calls me to do, it will be be well. He will help me maneuver through my days, help me to see what He wants me to see, and He will show me His way. I will follow as He leads me and as He guides me.
Well, so until I hear back from GCU, my plans for this good day are on hold. In truth, I had stopped preparing for my class on Saturday. I spent most of the day putting together lesson plans, and I had a good framework to follow. I quickly realized that what I was being asked to do was impossible, so I struggled to pull a decent and coherent lesson plan together. I have the makings of a lesson plan, but not the actual content. I prayed over it, and I felt the Lord saying that I needed to rest, to trust Him in this matter, so I did. I didn't do anything yesterday; I rested.
Now, it does appear my class has been cancelled. If anything, I came away from this experience with a good approach to teaching a basic English 1 class. I already had everything set for my traditional year classes, but this push helped me to see that I could do a class in about a week of prep. The experience has proven fundamentally sound. This means that I know that I am ready. I am really ready to be a full-time teacher. I don't need weeks to plan. I can do a class on short notice, and I can be prepared and confident to boot.
The weird thing in all of this is that I am feeling anxious about the cancellation of the class, but not anxious about losing contracted money for the summer. What's up with that? I mean, I am worried about the class cancelling, but not worried about having no extra income this summer to plan on? Yes, that is what I mean. I feel confident the class was not meant to be. I feel confident that the Lord knows what He is doing. I feel confident that He has this all under control. And, I am at peace about not having any new income (other than my 5-week class at OCU) to teach. Weird, for sure.
The Lord knows my coming and my going. He knows when I rise up and when I lay down (Psalm 139:2). He has the very hairs on my head numbered. He knows me. He knows me well. I can trust in and rely on Him. He has me so well-covered.
Some of my plans for this summer have not come to pass, and while that bothers me, I also see the blessing in this fact. I mean, I was all set to work on my dissertation, to collect data, to do this work. Then, nothing. I wrote 80 pages, submitted them for review, and then silence. My professor is slammed; I know it. I understand this is the fact. He is overworked, and my project, well, it needed to be on hold. I get it; I do. So my desire to finish my dissertation has come to a screeching halt, and while I am feeling a bit down about it, I realize that timing is everything. I am good. I am in such a good place right now. I am so rock solid, so very good.
Moving Forward Despite the Hiccups
It is one of those weird days. You know, when you have things to do, but you aren't sure whether you should do them. So you sit and wait. Sit and wait. Sit and wait. Now, it is almost 10 a.m., and you are wondering if you should get moving, get dressed, and get on with your day. This is how I feel today. I am not sure what to do. The AC seems to be blowing cold air now (hurrah!) Maybe our problem is fixed? I sure hope so; I sure hope so.
I have to move forward despite the big unknown. I have to move forward, to keep on moving forward regardless of what appears to be the norm. My future rests upon the horizon, and I will not get there without some steady progress of walking forward. I cannot stand still and expect to arrive at my destination. No, I must walk. I must walk on, so today, I pick up my satchel and I walk on down that road.
The Lord knows the plans He has for me (Jer. 29:11). I rest in His sufficiency and goodness today. I trust Him to reveal His will to me, to make His way known to me, and to show me, lead me and guide me to my next destination. Perhaps something good will come to pass today. Perhaps I will be called for an interview with another school, an interview for that full-time position. Or perhaps I will spend the day here at home, enjoying the blessed rest that He has provided to me. Perhaps I will move, inch my way, one step at a time, closer to where He wants me to be for fall term. Perhaps He will show up today, and simply say to me, "Carol, go here!" Perhaps I will wait patiently, resting securely, and hoping completely that He will do whatever He determines is best this good, good day. Yes, I think this is what I will do. I think I will wait for Him. I will wait. I will rest. And, I will enjoy the blessedness of this good, good day. He is good. He is so very good to me. Selah!