July 31, 2016
Turning Toward Home
Seems crazy, but if the Lord delights in it, and it is His will, then I am okay with it. He will have to provide a way out of my contracts at GCU. My class at ACU is still sitting open with five students enrolled. I haven't received confirmation on it being dropped, but I am sure it will be. Hopefully, I will have confirmation this week on my fall plans. I really thought I was settled, ready to go, and happily contented about this path. Then the email came from ASU, and well, that just opened doors for me, got me thinking about other avenues to get from A to B, so to speak.
Now, I am not really sure what the Lord intends for me long-term. If I were to be hired, and it would have to be really, really fast, I would have a full-time teaching job plus one part-time (Regent - no, I am not giving up Regent) for at least the next couple years. I am not sure if I can relocate with ASU, but if not, then at the least, I would have one year of full-time post-doctoral teaching on my resume. It would be a good thing, regardless of the outcome and length of work. But, I just don't know. I honestly do not know what my next week will hold.
I've been praying over my situation, of course, but the Lord has not really given me any clear direction. I feel He is saying to me to "trust" Him, and as always, that is my go-to approach. More so, I feel so very strongly that teaching online is the path He intends for me to follow. I am okay with this, now more than ever. I am tired of teaching in person, to be honest -- AND while I do enjoy the face-to-face contact -- I am ready to work from home. I've considered this a lot recently, what with my Mom's needs and such. Although my Mom's condition is not my primary rationale for teaching at home, it is a factor. I do think I need to be at home to help care for my parents needs. I also need to be at home to finish my dissertation. Yes, I am thinking more on this point, and in all fairness, I think I need to be at home to complete this work, and to do this work well (no other way). God knows how I am stressed over the quality of my dissertation, and how pressured I feel right now to be finished. Yet, I feel that I can do a good job IF I can work from a home office. I need to be able to work here at home.
I am trusting Him, of course, for the outcome, and He does know exactly what I can and cannot do. This means that while I may THINK I need this opportunity, perhaps He has something better in mind for me. Yes, He could very well say "No" to working at ASU and then provide something even better for me. Or, He could say, "This is my will," and then use this job to meet my financial needs and to prepare me for the next phase or season of my life (post-doctoral). I just don't know. What I do know is that either way, regardless of what I think, feel, or want, He has this all worked out. As I read Psalm 138 (AMP) this morning for my devotional time, I was reminded of His lovingkindness and comfort when I came to verse 8. The psalmist writes, "The Lord will accomplish that which concerns me;Your [unwavering] lovingkindness, O Lord, endures forever." What a blessed reminder, and so very timely. Oh, how I needed to read those words this morning! Indeed, the Lord knows my needs. He has me well-covered, and that means that every need I have has already been appointed and cared for by His loving hands. I can rest in His abilities to see me through, to guide me through these last couple weeks before I start work again, and to complete my research project so that I can graduate on time. I don't have to be afraid. I don't have to stress, worry or fear. He has me covered, so very well-covered. He is good to me, so very, very good to me. Selah!
As I prepare for my day today, I ask that you would cover me with your goodness, your kindness, and your favor. I am not sure what to think of this interview on Tuesday, but I feel confident that it is your will for me to meet with the search committee and discuss this opportunity. I am trusting you to provide the exact amount of income I need to cover my expenses this fall. You know exactly how much money I need to make each month to pay my bills, but also how much I need to build my savings back up. You know that for me to move, I have to have income (steady), savings (ready), and my credit in line (as high as possible) so that I can relocate with ease. You also know my parents needs, their concerns and care as well as the needs of my son as he finishes his last two semesters of college. More so, you know where you want me to go, and you know the plans you have for me in this new place. Thus, there is nothing I can do to effect any change toward that direction, save relent and surrender. Yes, I surrender to your mighty will, and I obey and follow as you lead, guide, and provide for me. Selah! Last, you know what needs to be completed for me to graduate from Regent. Throughout the past couple years, you have been consistent with me and have said to me that nothing was to come before my studies at Regent. Now I am ready to begin this research, and my time and my attention is fractured. I need to finish, but I cannot do it and work all these jobs. I am asking in Jesus' Holy and Matchless Name for the grace to be hired at this job for one-year. If you desire it to be longer than one year, so be it. I ask, however, that for now, you provide a way for me to teach full-time online, to earn a decent and steady income, and to recover my financial standing all the while I am able to focus 100% on my dissertation. I want to do well. I want to please you. I want to honor your holy and good Name. I ask this now, knowing that I cannot bring any of this to pass. I ask that you go before me to prepare a place for me, to give me favor, to make my enemies lay down in peace, and to give me comfort in knowing that I am indeed well covered. I ask this all now in your son's Name, Amen. So be it. Thy will be done, selah!