I did sleep well, though, and for the most part, I am awake and feeling refreshed. Yesterday was a good day for me. I got some work accomplished, and for the most part, I feel settled and ready to resume my fall schedule. Of course, I am not 100% ready yet. I just checked my schedule for Regent and my two classes are no longer showing on Blackboard. They were there yesterday, but today they are not. Sigh! I know they are having technical issues, so my prayer is that I really will have classes to teach this fall. Either way, I am okay. I prayed about it, and frankly, with my dissertation on the forefront, I am okay if the Lord chooses for me to have GCU/ACU only for this semester. It will be OKAY. I am trusting Him to provide, and I believe He will provide for me.
In other news, I am feeling well, which is a good thing. I am contented with my plan to restart Weight Watchers Points and stick with it through the end of the semester (or until the end of the year). I am in this for the long-haul and that means through thick or thin, I need to be consistent. I need to stick to the plan, follow the guidelines, and trust the Lord to help me shed some extra weight and get into better physical condition. The Lord is good to me, so very good. He knows my needs, and He has me well-covered.
So I woke up this morning thinking to myself, "I feel like something is happening up wind." I don't know if you have ever had that feeling, but it seems to occur when you get this sense that something is happening or is about to happen right around the corner or just a bit down the road. You just feel that something wonderful is about to happen, but you are not sure what it is or what it will be. This is how I feel today. I cannot really explain it other than to say that I feel that changes are afloat, and that something is going to change in my life soon that will take me in another direction completely.
I don't like change. I really don't like change, so the thought that something is going to change, right now, right when I have my duckies all in a row, isn't too exciting for me. Yet, I feel that this change, this particular change is going to be a very good thing. I mean, like a VERY GOOD THING. I was praying this morning when I heard the Lord say to me, "I've got good news!" I said,"Yes, Lord, what is this good news today?" I am ready for some good news. I mean, I really good use some good news right now. In all, I am in a very good place. I am set on my path, I am content in my life, so frankly, it is not like I need super good news to change my frown to a smile. No, I just enjoy receiving good news, so my prayer this morning was, "Yes, Lord! Whatever good news you have for me, may I learn of it soon!"
I am sitting here blogging, sort of waiting on the Lord to show me this "good news," but so far, nothing really has happened. I am okay with the wait. It happens to me a lot. Sometimes I hear a word, but then time passes before that word comes true. Sometimes I even forget about it, and then the THING happens and my memory is jogged, and I think, "Yes! The Lord did give me insight regarding this thing." I am used to waiting for knowledge, for insight, but today is kind of strange. I mean, I am really well-set. I have everything in order as I assumed it was meant to be, and now I feel like something is going to happen that will throw all of this peace out of whack. I sure hope not; I sure hope not.
Peace -- I need this good day. Peace -- I long for, pray for, and wait for -- so to lose my peace would not be a good thing in my view. Yet, the tension I feel is not the kind that produces any discord; rather, it is the kind that signals a good kind of change, like a better kind of change.
What could this mean for me?
Honestly, I just don't know. I am waiting on ASU to get back to me regarding my interview. I don't feel hopeful about that position, and I am okay with them saying "Not interested to me." In truth, I am very content to do what I have on my plate right now. It is enough. It is more than enough, and the Lord knows I am even panicking a bit over all the work I will be doing alongside my dissertation. Yet, the Lord is good to me, so very good to me. He is so very good to me.
More so, I feel pretty content with my progress on my research now. I need some confirmation from my professor, but overall, I feel like I am okay where I am today. It is going to be OK. Luckily, I am really excited (well, where did that come from all of a sudden?) to do this work. I am eager to finish, to graduate, to be done with my PhD. I am eager to finish well. I think it is because my good friend, my special love, received his notice that he has graduated now. It was a tension filled couple weeks, but praise be to God, his test scores arrived at his school, and his degree has been conferred. God is good, so very good to us!
Now, I think this wind of change could be the result of a couple things. One, I am open and agreeable to moving. And two, I am open and agreeable to doing whatever teaching work the Lord provides to me. I am most agreeable right now. I feel at peace with the plans the Lord has for my life, and I am agreeable to them coming to pass in His time. But, why Lord? Why must things change now? Just when it seems that everything is settled. Sigh.
I am not sure, but knowing the Lord and knowing that His word clearly tells us that no man knows the mind of God, I would say that it is all a matter of His authority and His wisdom. Yes, the Lord makes the plans, He directs our steps, and He provides what is needed to accomplish His will. It is always according to His will, and not based on anything we do or think. So with that in mind, I am thinking the Lord has decided I am to go now, rather than later. I am to prepare now, and in doing so, He has made a way possible for me. Okay, Lord show me the way. Make this way come to pass according to your will.
Thinking and Pondering
I wonder about this today, whether or not the word I heard is from Him. I know His voice, I sense His presence, so I can take boldness and confidence that what I heard is real, is true, and is going to come to pass. Yet, I am befuddled a bit, confused, so I need some clarification. I need the Lord to clarify to me, to help me understand, and to show me His will clearly, accurately, so that I don't misstep. I don't want to go off on a tangent line, start running in the wrong direction, or take flight when He has not said, "You may go." No, I have to be patient. I have to wait. I have to watch. I have to stay alert. He is good, He is good, He is good. He will guide me this good day. He will show me the way to go, and He will provide for me out of His abundant goodness and His great riches. He is good, so very good to me. Selah!
For now, this means that I will sit a while and think. I will ponder His word to me. I will study the Word, and I will pray. I will seek His face, and I will look to His mercy for His blessed provision this good day. I will trust Him, rely upon Him, rest in Him, and in all things, abide in Him. I will go where He sends me, and I will do the work He has called me to do. I will believe all things are possible with God, and I will rest in this knowledge that as God, He is able to do everything that concerns me this day. Yes, He will do it. He will perform it. He will make it happen. He is able, and for that, I am thankful.
My heart bears witness to the goodness of God. I am thankful, grateful, happy, and content. I am filled with peace, with joy, with love -- all because of His amazing and wonderful presence in my life. He has made a way for me, given me a new way to go, and I am excited to walk in this new way. I want so much to please Him, to be good, to honor His Name, and to bring Him praise and worship. I want so much to realize the goodness He has in mind for me, to see it come to pass, to experience it, embrace it, and enjoy it. I want to know the Lord intimately, to be filled with His knowledge and His wisdom so that I can understand and learn His way. I want to obey His commands, and I want to keep His word. I want to do all these things -- not out of fear -- but out of love for my God. He has made me, kept me, secured me, and in doing so, I give Him my all. I lay it all down for Him, and I say to Him, "Yes, Lord. I will go!"
I ask now in Jesus Name that whatever the Father desires of me today, I would be willing and agreeable to do. I want to please the Father, and to do that, I must obey the Son. I must walk in wisdom, with intention and alertness, and I must stay fixed, focused, and firmly rooted in His love, in His word, and in His way. I can do nothing without Him, and there is no good thing I desire that doesn't bear His fingermarks. He is my King, and I am His loyal subject. I love the Lord with my whole heart, and today especially, I feel the need to honor Him, to praise Him, and if possible, to bring Him glory. He is good, so very good to me! Selah!
I will sing of the Lord’s unfailing love forever!
Young and old will hear of your faithfulness.
Your unfailing love will last forever.
Your faithfulness is as enduring as the heavens.
(Psalm 89: 1-2 NLT)