August 28, 2016

Sunday, Sunday

So it is Sunday, my last day of rest before I start my full-week of teaching. It has been a nice two week warm-up to the real deal. Now, I am ready to tackle my prep for next week, and then Praise God, go and do this "work" that He has called me, prepared me, trained me, and equipped me to do! Selah!

It is a good day today. I slept well, and I woke up feeling settled in many ways. I am dealing with some stomach issues, mostly the annoying kind, so today is a church at home day. It also is a church at home day because my car is with my son, who left for church at 6:30 a.m. I am blessed to know that my son is over at church, practicing and working as part of the praise team. But, I am missing my freedom, my car, and my life as I know it. I am missing my ability to come and go as I please, especially on Sundays. My prayer is that soon, very soon, we will be a two-car family again, and I will be able to start living as an adult (you know, be able to go where I want, when I want, etc.). I have felt so trapped by not having my car to use when I need it. My parents have been kind to let me use their car two-days a week, but other than driving back and forth to work, I have pretty much waited until my son was home before heading to the store, etc. I just don't feel comfortable using their car as though it was my own, know what I mean?

Feeling Uneasy Today

I mentioned at the top of my post that I am struggling to overcome some stomach issues. I have been unwell the past three-four days, nothing serious mind you, rather some uncomfortable feelings that I had attributed to my increase in fiber of late. Yes, I blogged a couple weeks ago about how I am hooked on "Eureka" Bread. I found it one day a couple months back when I was at Walmart. I was looking for a good wheat bread that seemed more "whole" than the typical fare. I didn't want to pay for "Dave's" bread or for Ezekiel bread, which are pricey organics. While I was looking at my options, I spotted this bag that was marked as "Grainiac." I took a peek and realized that the bread had flax and sesame seeds in it. It looked like a winner, and well, after one loaf, I was hooked. I eat this bread for breakfast and lunch, and it is absolutely the best organic bread on the market. It is dense, which I love, but chewy. The flavor is sweet, and the seeds are crunchy. I love this bread.

Last week, while replacing my favorite bread, I spotted another "Eureka" bread called "Top Seed." I decided to give it a try, and well, "whoa nelly!" This bread is even more seed-y than Grainiac. It is good too, very dense and chewy, but with more seeds on top. I noticed right away that this bread seemed to give me more gas, and well, the fiber, did its duty, right away. Now, I am wondering why this bread seems to have bothered me more than the other type. I checked the fiber content, and "Top Seeds" has less fiber than "Grainiac" so I am wondering if there is some other ingredient that is bothering my sensitive digestive system.

On the plus side, I think I am down a couple pounds. I have been playing with the scale, you know, up and down for the past 10 weeks. I lost about 2 pounds over all, and since July, my weight has just yo-yo'd up and down. I think I am down a total of 2-3 pounds overall, and frankly, even though I did Weight Watchers Points and Atkins (alternating), I cannot point to either system has having helped me lose some weight. Honestly, I think it is because I added more fiber to my diet, that is all. I haven't really changed much. I am still eating too many sweets, bits of chocolate and the like. My plans to lose 10-15 pounds never materialized, and with the added stress of school starting, I gave up on them for a while.

My hope now is that once I start walking across campus again (starting next week), I should be able to control my food choices better. Hopefully, over the course of the semester, I can drop the 10 pounds I added last year at this time. I think it is doable without having to change my life too much. One thing I have realized is that I cannot change my life like I used to when I was younger. I cannot pull the hour in the gym or switch to a strict diet. Moderation is the key for me, so from this point on, I am going to focus on eating better, exercising moderately, and simply letting the rest -- the stress, the worry, the concern -- go. It is all I can do, and I finally am ready to accept this fact. I am ready to acknowledge that as a 54 year old (almost - in two months), I am limited in my abilities to reshape my body. I can only use what I have, and that means I can make my body the best that is possible given my experience and my age.

The good news is that I am okay with this truth. I am okay with the fact that my body is that of a middle-aged woman, and no longer the skinny woman of my youth. I want to be healthy now, and I want to feel well. I simply do not want to give hours of my life to working out, and I am busy, like really busy, so I need to live a moderate life, active, but moderate life.

Nothing New on the Horizon

Since it is Sunday, there is nothing really new happening on my horizon. I am feeling unwell this morning, as I said, so I am at home. I have to finish interacting with my students online, and I have to get my power points/lessons ready for next week. I didn't get my paper done at all, so that is a worry. I am trusting the Lord for His guidance on my paper -- He has me covered -- I believe it. Mostly, today is a final rest day for me, and my big needs are to get myself ready for next week. God is good to me, so very good to me, and I know He has this all figured out. I am just anxious, I guess, and with anxiety comes a bit of uncertainty and unsettling that has taken a turn for the worse on my stomach today. Perhaps with some rest, I will feel better, and I will be able to get my work done. I am praising the Lord, and I am giving Him all the glory today.

In Closing

I've got a lot on my mind today, mostly my feelings and my tummy troubles. I know that I have made it to the end of the month, and praise be to God, I will be paid very, very soon. My needs are high right now, and while I am not worried, so to speak about them, I simply have this sense of impending doom, this feeling that something foreboding is about to happen to me. I cannot put my finger on it, but I just have this sense that something is about to happen, and it is not good. Oh well...God is on His throne, and I am looking to Him for my security and my provision. Whatever happens, it will be within His mighty and merciful will. I am resting in who He is, because in truth, He is everything to me. He is more than able to handle whatever concerns me this good, good day. Selah!

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