September 28, 2016
This day, while good, has been difficult for me. I hate it when I start my day feeling so blue, so very off, and so very "UGH -- annoyed," yet this is how I feel or well, how I felt earlier this morning. Let me explain...
So today arrived with a grand thud. I mean, my Monday and Tuesday were both "good days," and for the most part, were not stressful or filled with anything difficult or depressing. Wednesday came in like a mighty roar, and while I am doing okay now, my morning was fraught with feelings, emotions, and general discord that said to me, "something seems off and not quite right." I tried my best to discern what was off, but it wasn't until I finished my class at ACU, and I was heading back home that I realized that the confusion I felt was the result of my own action, a decisive action, that sent me spinning out in another direction. Yes, the long and short of it is that I started to doubt God's provision, and in doing so, I realized that my enemy tempted me just a wee bit, just enough to get me to stop and consider his taunt. I heard him say, "Did the Lord really say this...to you?" Oh, just like our first parents in the garden of Eden, I listened to the serpent, and I questioned the authority of my Lord. I questioned His word, and in doing so, I started to doubt the efficacy of it. Sigh!
The good news is that I am now back where I belong, and in retreating from my walk on the wild side (so to speak), I am feeling better again. It is funny how this happens to me all the time. Yes, my flesh is weak. Thank goodness, the Spirit of God is strong, and He is always willing to help me remain steadfast in His plans and purpose for my life.
As I think about my life these past couple days, one thing comes to mind. First, I am good. I am in a very good place, and the Lord is blessing me with blessing upon blessing each and every day. Second, I know my purpose. I know why I am here, how I got here, and thank God, where I am going. I get it. I understand it. It makes such good sense to me. Third, while I may have ups and downs, daily ins and outs, I am moving forward in His expressed will for my life. This means that I am heading in the correct direction. I am following my Lord, listening to Him, heeding His advice, and in this way, He is preparing my way, going before me, and making my path straight. His word is true! In the Psalms we read that the Lord will make our path straight and level, and in this way, if we trust in Him, we are able to walk on after Him. We will not stumble or fall down. We are able to follow Him, stay on course, and in the end, experience the great reward for a faithful life.
Today, therefore, I feel good. I feel like I know what I am supposed to do, where to go, and yes even, how to get there. I don't have all my little ducks lined up just yet, but I feel confident that within the next couple months, the Lord's provision will be revealed to me. I have asked for His will in no uncertain terms so that I will know for "sure and positive" where I am to go. I want to go with His blessing and provision so I am believing in faith that the Lord will open a door for a full-time job, and that job, will be the "THING" that helps me, guides me, and provides for me so I can relocate. I have thought long and hard about this and I am now convinced that the job will be the open door for me. I had considered moving simply to move, meaning going to a place without a job on the "faith ticket" whereby I believe the Lord wanted me to relocate for ministry. Now, though, I am believing that the Lord will open the door to work, and I will go because of the work. Yes, ministry will be there as well, but the job will come, the job will be offered, and I will accept it and then move as part of the job relo-package. I believe it makes good sense to me, thus, this is what I am believing in faith for the Lord to do in my life. Bring me a full-time job, Lord, so I can go to this place with provision.
Moreover, as I think about all of this "moving" and "going," I realize that between now and then, He has to take care of some pretty big business items. I need loans reduced, credit established, and a bunch of debt paid off. I need to be able to go in style, and I want to make this whole moving thing easy as pie, so to speak. I am praying for full-provision -- money, resources, gains, etc., so that I can move with confidence. Furthermore, I want to buy a house when I go, and not rent any longer. This is a huge deal to me, and I believe in faith that the motivation is from the Lord rather than just my own desire. My prayer is for a house and the ability to purchase a house so that I can move once only. My boys are getting too old to be moving house, so I want to move once and be settled. I think this is agreeable with the Lord, so now I wait for Him to provide what is needed so I can move and buy a home.
Lastly, I know that He has all these details worked out for me, so I let this go. Just like in "Frozen," I am letting go and letting my Lord lead me. He is my Jehovah-Jireh, and as such, I am wholly dependent upon Him for my every need. I have need, Lord, great need, but I believe in faith that you are the One who is able to meet every need with sufficiency, so I let this go -- all of it -- and I rest in your abilities as God to deliver your promises to me. You are God, you are good, and your grace is sufficient this good, good day. Selah!
This strange and crazy Wednesday began with a thud, but now it has turned around, and as I head over to campus at GCU, I am praying for His abundant blessing upon my life. I am asking Him to provide to me in a mighty way, to see to all these needs and with His abundant and good provision, open doors for me. I need to go, Lord, and I want to obey you. Please make my path smooth, straight and level. Please open the door, grant me permission, and then provide every single thing I need in order to go now. I ask all this in the mighty, merciful and most majestic Name of Jesus, the Christ -- my Lord and my Savior. You are God, and I worship you this good, good day for you are worthy to be praised, to be honored, and to be glorified.