October 28, 2016
Making the Most of the Day
My night was filled with dreams. Actually, the past couple nights I have had vivid dreams. Not scary dreams or anything of that sort, just dreams where I was being chased by some man (weird, I know). In last night's dream, I was trying to escape again, but wasn't having much luck. My Dad was in this dream, so that was really weird. Escape dreams often are brought on by stress. I sure am stressed right now, so it would follow that my brain would conjure up dreams for me to experience when I was supposed to be sleeping. Sigh!
My workload is intense. I started two new classes on Monday, and while they are going well, the workload to keep up with the student posts is starting to get to me. And, it is only FRIDAY! ACK! My prayer is that I can figured out a schedule so I can manage my on-campus duties with my online duties and still have time for research. Forget about a life, at the least for the next four-five months! I mean, I've got to graduate and that is my number one focus right now. God be praised, I know He will provide a way for me. I simply need to rest, like let go and rest, and let Him take care of this -- all of this -- in His way and His timing.
Today, I am at GCU, but thank goodness I am not teaching. I am still having student conferences and listening to student reviews. In all, it is a very light and low-key day. God is good, so very good to me. Selah!
Moving On Despite Uncertainty
So I have blogged about how I have made the conscious decision to stay put — at least — for the time being. I am so uncertain right now, other than to say that I am confident that the Lord has a plan for my life and that I believe in my heart, that that plan is a good one. It has been difficult for me these past couple days, simply because I am struggling to maintain my life right now. I mean, my life is in overdrive, and I am so afraid that I will crash and burn come the end of the semester. I have too much on my plate, and I am trying so hard not to explode. In time, I know the Lord will provide a way out. Right now, He has not provided this to me so I have to believe that I am supposed to endure, to stay the course, and to stick this out. He is good, and He does know what is best for me.
Just yesterday I was thinking about how I will manage my life come spring. I will be teaching two very large classes at GCU (80-90 students each) along with an American Literature class (25 students). I just received two pending contracts at Regent, but my chair said there “could be more” once he reviews everything. I am desperate for the income, for certain; but, how many classes can I teach and still maintain the quality of instruction? I just don’t know; I honestly don’t know.
For now, I am content to do what God has provided. I figure that if He didn’t want me to teach so many classes, He would: A) bring me a full-time job where I would teach 3 classes only OR B) provide some other way for me to make the monthly income I need to pay my bills. He has done neither, which says to me that this is “His provision.” Selah!
It is crazy when you think about how I have cried over the lack of work, and then I am crying over the abundance of work. I mean, really? I should be overjoyed and thankful. In truth, I am very thankful. I am so very thankful. In fact, I am jumping up and down with excitement over the fact that the Lord has opened this door for me at Regent University. I love my school so much, and I really hope that some day I can teach there full-time. My good friend said he thinks this is the Lord’s provision for me, and at first, I balked at the idea. Now, though, I am not so sure. I am coming round to the idea of teaching full-time, online, for my school. God be praised, I am thinking it would be such a good thing for me.
Until then, however, I have to hunker down and do what I must, and that means to focus on the work at hand. Today is a good day. I give the Lord praise for His mercy, His goodness, and yes, His abundance of blessing. He is good, so very good to me! Selah!