December 29, 2016
So Ready to Go
I do feel better, but I realize that my memory foam cushion is now slanted toward the hip that hurts. I really do need a new chair. I’ve looked around for one I like, but since I don’t know if I should invest in one now or wait, I have hesitated to purchase it. I’ve thought, “Let’s just wait and see what happens” — but unfortunately — my back pain and hip pain will not wait. I may have to break down and buy a chair now because I’ve got a lot of desk work ahead of me, and well, an aching back is not going to help me do “what needs’ doing,” know what I mean?
Today is a hard work day. I have rested the past two days due to my sciatica pain, so today is a major make up day. I am planning on “busting my buns” so to speak in order to catch up on my research work. Overall, I am not panicked. I am at peace with my progress, and I realize that I can only do what the Lord permits me to do each day. I can work hard some days, and on other days, I must rest. He knows my limits, and He knows what I can accomplish in any given period. Thus, while I like to control the pacing, really, it is best if He does it. He will make sure I am not overworked or in pain. He will care for me as I do the work He has assigned to me.
Therefore, on this very good day, I am letting the whole project go. I am relenting, I am relaxing my grip, and I am understanding that this work I am doing is significant and it is good — it is really good work. I am trusting in His abilities this good, good day, and as such, I am lifting up my eyes to the hills, and I am accepting His hand of grace as He reaches down to me and covers me with His blessing and His favor. He is good, so very good to me. Day in and day out, He is my comfort, my care, and my concern. I look to Him for every blessing under heaven, and for every opportunity, every move, and every option that He shows me. I know that what He desires is always for my good. It is for my good.
As I sit here today, I rest in His abilities, and I let go of my need to drive this research project. I simply cannot accomplish the work in the time that remains without His divine intervention. Consequently, I lift up my eyes to His throne, and I ask Him to come down and do this work through me, to finish this work, and to bring to close this long and this difficult PhD program. I need to finish strong, and I need to graduate in order to move to the next step, which is to be offered a full-time faculty position. I know that my “next step” is graduation, and as a result, I can only get there once I pass through this final “trial by fire.” I must finish my research. I must present my study for review, and I must pass the review of my panel. I must do this work. I must complete these last steps. I must do this, and I am willing and agreeable to it. I must put aside all hindrances that hold me back, and I must run the final leg without stopping. I must not give up nor give in. I must run this race of faith with the knowledge that I have already won — I have already achieved victory — and I have already graduated (completed my program since it is His will).
My plans for today include research work and spending some time preparing my resume for submission to open posts. I mentioned yesterday that I have been offered a Faculty Associate position at our local public research university. The more I read about this program, the more excited I am about it. The more I think of how the Lord orchestrated this option for me, the more I come to expect that His next gift to me will be an offer for full-time work. I know that to get that offer, I must have my PhD in hand. I must have it in hand — so I need to complete the work in front me — and patiently wait to receive confirmation of it. It will come, and in time, I will be promoted to faculty — to an Assistant Professor position — at some university. I know this is the case, and I believe that He has already decided where I will work. I am willing and agreeable to go wherever He leads, and that means, that I will go to whatever school He directs me to for this amazing work. He knows what He is doing, and I am resting in this fact. He has me well-covered — all the details, the options, the ideas — are so well covered by His merciful and majestic hand of grace!
In closing, I look to His provision this good, good day. I know that what He has provided to me (in extra part-time work) has financially blessed me. I know that I will be busy — really busy — this spring, but at the end of this next term, I will have the final piece of the puzzle. I will have my PhD, and I will have an appointment and a destination for the rest of my working days. I know that He will open that door, usher me through it, and provide a position that will fit me, suit me, grow me, and challenge me. I will be “faculty” at a good school, a good university, where I can settle down, put roots into the ground, and develop as a professor, a scholar, a teacher. Yes, He will show me where to go, and He will provide the reason for the “going.” I have prayed that the Lord would provide a reason for me to go, to leave Phoenix, and that reason has always been tied to a job offer. I want to receive a job offer that will move me — take me to a new place — rather than just “up and go” and hope for the best. No, I want to have all my ducks in a row, and I want to go with the offer in hand, “Signed, sealed and delivered” as they say. In this way, I can leave Phoenix with the confidence to know that where I am going is planned, purposed, and perfected by His magnificent hand of grace.
I am unwilling to settle for less than His best. I will not go where I desire or think or hope things will work out. No, I will only go where He leads, and that means that no matter the outcome, the circumstance, I will go knowing full well that He has made the way possible for me. I want no other way than His way, and I want to be 100% confident in it. He is good, and I believe that He will do what needs done according to His will for my life. He will take care of me, and in this fact alone, I rest this good, good day.