January 15, 2017
Feeling Unwell Today
The good news, if there is good news around, is the fact that I rarely am ill. I mean, I suffer from tummy troubles, headaches, the occasional sniffles, but I have not been seriously ill in years. I have light symptoms, mostly, the kind that come and go, but that eventually just leave me completely. I am suffering from indigestion, but I think it is due to an abundance of coffee. I have been drinking a lot of coffee the past couple months, and well, I think my stomach has had enough of it.
The Lord has been so gracious to me. He has made it possible for me to remain well, and to not suffer from any major disease or disorders these past seven years. In truth, I have been pretty healthy overall. I have had two attacks of kidney stones, one very serious asthma attack (brought on by a nasty bug that settled high in my lung), and back issues (wear and tear and a fall some 20 years back). Generally speaking, though, I am in pretty good shape. I feel as good as I ever have felt, though my energy is lacking some days. Still, I am able to do my work, praise be to God, and despite these on-off ailments, I pretty much go where I want to go and do what I want to do. God is good, so very good to me. Selah!
I am moving on toward my final destination. In the meantime, I am focused and disciplined. I am making progress on my research, and I am figuring out how to manage my six classes and still keep my head in the game. Yes, in all, my life is moving swiftly. I feel like I have been dropped into a rushing current, and that I am poised on a raft that is being carried down by the fast moving stream. I am hanging on for sure, but I also have this steady sense of confidence that where I am going is good, that my destination is certain, and that my path way has been made smooth. I think it is interesting that at this time I feel as if I am being transported by a rush of water rather than by physical steps taken on a dusty path. You see, I think what is happening to me is simply outside my control, and that the Lord is moving me — rather than me moving myself — to get me to where He wants me to go.
Many years ago, I had a dream. In this dream, I imagined myself floating down a large river. I was stretched out in one of those comfortable lounge chairs that you see on the decks of big cruise ships. I was simply stretched out, relaxing as the wind rushed through my hair. I didn’t have a care in the world, and the ship, while under the careful control of the Captain, was heading to the next port of call. My job was to relax, to rest, and His job was simply to navigate and take the ship where He needed it to go.
I remember that dream still because there was a turn of phrase spoken to me that said I was to remain in the “middle of the river of His will.” At the time, I didn’t really understand it, but after some practice, I realized that what this phrase meant was for me to remain in the middle of His will, to be relaxed, rested, and sitting still while He brought His will to pass. My mental picture of the cruise ship and all those deck chairs has come back to me before. I know that whenever I try to steer the ship, we easily go off course. I know that often I don’t possess the skill or the ability to navigate a major vessel, and as such, any attempt on my part could bring catastrophic results. Thus, when I take my place on the deck, and I rest, I allow the Captain and His crew to do what they do best — steer, navigate, and move this massive vessel down the mighty river.
Today, I feel like I have been sidelined by illness. Yet, I have work to do, good work, work that must be done. I feel so unable to focus, to stay upright, but I know that I must do this work. I must do what He has asked me to do. I sit here at my computer and I blog about my experiences. I wonder about my life, about my destination, and about the next port of call. Where are you taking me, Lord? Where will I end up?
One thing is for sure — wherever I end up — it will be His determination. He has made a way for me, He has planned my way, and He has helped me find that way. Now it is up to me to go that way. Yes, I go — mostly mentally — but in time, He will ask me to physically go as well. The whole process, however, will take me from point A to B and then on to C until I finally arrive at the end of my time here on Earth. The Lord has my life planned out, and I can rest in the knowledge that as Captain of my life, He does indeed know what must come next. He knows what must come next.
Thus, I relent today. I let go of the wheel, and I take my place on the deck of this ship. I let Him lead, guide, and provide for me. I let Him Captain my life, and in doing so, I let Him have His way in and through me. I let Him complete in me His good work. I let Him develop me, call me, equip me, champion me, and in this way, He leads me into work and ways that I never imagined. Today, I rest. Today, I look up. Today, I say — thank you, Lord — for your marvelous provision of goodness, of blessing, and of peace. You alone are worthy to be praised! You alone are worthy to be adored!
As I close out this blog post, I remember that today, January 15, is a good day to remember all the Lord has done for me. Today is a good day to rest in His provision, to know and to grasp the significance of His work in my life, and to remember how much I rely on Him for everything I do. He is my King, my Lord, and my Savior, and today, I let Him have His way in me. I let Him lead.