I am in pain today. My hip is hurting, and last night, I had horrible pain in my lower back, left hip, and thigh region. Some days the pain is so intense that I can barely function. I ended up falling asleep around 8:30 last night. I woke up after my son returned home at 11:30, and then got into bed and slept the majority of the night until about 7:30 this morning. In all, I actually did sleep well. I am still sore, but the sciatic nerve seems to be calm right now. Hopefully, I will have a good day of rest today, so that the pain dissipates completely. My prayer is that I don’t have any pain between now and when I have to fly to VA this weekend.
Speaking of my travel plans, I am praying that the forecast for snow sticks (no pun intended). I would like to see snow on the ground or flurries, but I really would like the roads to be clear by the time I arrive in Norfolk at 6:00 p.m. I plan on taking my heavyish coat, just to be warm. I also plan on taking my sweater and gloves/hat. In all, I am ready for this day to be over, and I am looking forward to graduation!
So this week has been a challenge for me. I made it through, praise be to God, and I have one more day of school (work) before I can focus 100% on my trip and my final defense. Right now, I am still in grading mode. My ASU, Regent and GCU classes either ended or were at the mid-term of the semester. I have had oodles of grading to do, but today, I hope to get all the drafts read in my Comp II classes, and my other assignments in my Lit class. If I can get all of my grading off my plate, I really can work some on my defense presentation as well as prepare my study notes. I plan to study on the plane to VA, and then spend the morning of my defense, running through my presentation. Honestly, I feel like I know this “stuff” well, so it is more that I will need to remind myself of key points, and then trust and rest in the Lord for His provision of clear memory and cogent articulation.
I feel confident today, at the least, less stressed. The anxiety that seemed to be with me the first part of the week has disappeared, and what is left is really a sense of calm and steadiness. I feel absolutely no worry right now. What is more, I feel like “nothing” at all is up in the air, on the bubble, so to speak. I guess you could say that right now, I have this feeling that everything is running as it should — full steam ahead. All systems are “go,” and I am in this place of complete control.
I am giving Him praise today because certainly this is not my doing at all. In fact, I was pretty upset yesterday (at myself, at my students, at my life), and after I came home from class, I crashed hard. I remember thinking to myself, “I just cannot go on.” I remember praying and saying to the Lord, “I need a new life,” which is my mantra these days. I simply meant that I need the Lord to handle what is happening in my life, and I need Him to provide a way out. I guess my sense of calm is simply a letting go of the worry, the fear, and the doubt, and acceptance that my life is not my own. I am at His will and His mercy, and by His grace, I go here or there. I do His work. I trust in Him. I look to Him. I rely on Him.
The more I think and plan, the more unsure I am of His intentions, other than the fact that they are always for my good. For example, I am in the waiting mode on the new job at Grantham University. I haven’t heard back from them regarding my background check or the next steps. I did submit all my paper work on 3/2, so in truth, it has just been one week (with a weekend in there). I know I am being concerned for no good reason, but still, once I know more, I will feel more settled.
I know the Lord has me so well covered. I am prepared and ready for whatever He has in mind for me to do. Today, is a day of resting, of trusting, and of relying on Him for His perfect outcome.