My life is just getting better and better! I am standing in awe of the goodness of my God! I mean, first, He provides a beautiful vehicle for my son. Second, He provides more teaching opportunities for me. Third, He gives generously and abundantly in grace. I am blessed, so well and overly blessed!
Today, I woke up feeling uneasy and unsure of things. But, after some time in prayer and the word, I started to feel better, more at ease, and definitely more confident in the changes that seem to be happening to me. For example, last evening, after we got home from the dealer, my son took the new car for a test drive. As luck would have it (or not so lucky), a little rock skipped up and hit the windshield. Yep. We have a tiny crack in the brand new windshield! I was sick to my stomach over the fact that the car was damaged on its first venture out doors. Of course, in AZ, rocks are inevitable. I mean, we live in the desert, and we have rocks everywhere. They are by the road, on the road, and in our yards. It is hard to drive anywhere, even when not on the freeway, without getting pelted by some tiny projectile. I was really upset about it at first, but after a while, I realized that rocks are a part of life, and the car would have been hit by one sooner or later. I guess sooner is better in some ways. At least, the fear is over now. It has happened, so we just move on. We will get the chip fixed, but probably not until next week. Still, I am thanking God for His provision and His grace. I needed to rethink the whole "care" idea, and after praying and reading His word, I felt so much better. It is going to be okay. I mean, it is OKAY!
More so, after some reflection time today, I came to terms with my life "as is," I mean. I am in this place right now where everything seems to be settling down. I am confident of the Lord's will, and I believe His plan for my life is really good. I am feeling more and more at ease with what He is asking me to do. I am ready to embrace His plans, and the path I am on today is a good one. I have good work to do, good work. I am ready to enlarge my territory, and I am ready to begin to consider His work to be done in and through my life. By this I mean, that I am ready to start moving forward in my career and in my ministry life. I am ready, Lord, to begin your blessed way, and to begin to complete the plans you have for me. I want to be used by you, Lord, to be a blessing to others, and to use my practical work as a teacher along with my advanced studies in communication to benefit your kingdom. May your will be done, O' Lord, may your will be done!
It has been a long, long road to this point in time, and I have to say that it feels so sweet to finally be where I am today. I mean, I am good, like really good. More so, my bread basket and kneading bowl are overflowing with an abundant provision. For example, just this morning, I was asked to teach a course in another school at Regent University. I am already contracted to teach 3 classes for the English department, but today, I was asked to teach a linguistics class for the School of Teacher Preparation. It was a last minute need, and praise God, I was referred by my chair for the position. The funny thing is that last night, as I was praying, I asked the Lord for more work, more covering, simply because of the crack in the windshield and the fact that I was panicking a bit over the outflow of cash all of a sudden (like whoosh -- out it goes!) Then, this morning, I receive an email asking me to teach another course, and like a fresh wind of blessing, my worries are eased and my financial tension is relieved. God is good to me. He is so very good to me!
Now, I am wondering what the Lord has in mind for me today. I mean, what more can He give to me? I honestly am overwhelmed by His generous hand. I don't need anymore, but then I think, Lord, I need MORE of YOU! Yes, I need His grace, and I need the One who is filled with GRACE: Jesus!
My heart and my mind are committed to following Him completely. I want to do His work, His will, and I want to do it in His way. What is more, I am starting to think more about this whole moving thing again. I have to say that for the past couple months, the idea of moving has been pretty much all-consuming for me. I know it was a distraction. I know it was meant to help me focus on other things or rather to help me keep my mind off of things so I wouldn't worry so much. It worked! I mean, I was distracted, and I enjoyed it immensely. Now, though, I am thinking that the path that makes perfect sense to me is the path right in front of me. I mean, the path that leads me to remain here in Phoenix and to put down roots in this place. Let me explain...
About three days ago, I started to sense that perhaps the Lord was asking me to consider Phoenix as an option (again!) Okay, so I never stop considering it, but I had this sense like I was being prompted by His Spirit to say, "Lord, I am okay with staying in Phoenix." More so, as the days have worn on, I have felt this stronger sense that has almost brought me to say, "Lord, I want to stay in Phoenix." Now, those are not my words because Phoenix is not my choice of a permanent destination. But, the sensation hasn't subsided. It simply has gotten stronger, more present, if that makes sense.
My concern with wavering is that it can lead to doubt. Yet, I know that I cannot decide to stay or to go without His permission. So if I stay, it is because He wants me to stay. If I go, it is because He wants me to go. I am committed to following, to obeying, and to abiding -- completely. Thus, I have to consider that this decision is really His and not mine.
So, what has made me think about staying rather than going (again?) I would say it really was a decision I made the other night -- perhaps 4-5 nights ago -- when I committed everything to Him. I decided to be "all in" as I have said previously, but this time, I meant as in "all in -- no more worries." I gave everything to the Lord, every detail, every thought, and every possible issue, and I let them go. I decided to do nothing but His work. In this way, I decided to make His work my soul and sole focus. As such, my mind has started to turn towards Him, and as a result, my thoughts are now more about "what is best for you, Lord" instead of "what is best for me, Lord?" Yes, I am thinking more about how He wants to use me, and the provision He blesses me with as being for His use and not mine. I guess it occurred to me the other day that the house I live in has one purpose and that is to be used for the Lord. Sure, I get to live in it. I get to relax, enjoy family, etc., but ultimately, my home is for His use. It is for His work, thus, wherever I live, I do so with this thought in mind. I am a tenant in the Lord's house. I am a borrower of the Lord's car. I am a manager of the Lord's resources, etc. The idea is that nothing I "own" is really my own. It is all His.
My mind is starting to wonder if the Lord has asked me to consider staying here in Phoenix -- even though my heart and my desire -- are to go some place else. Perhaps the Lord is ready for me to embrace my life here, and in doing so, I have to be willing to let go of my desire to live in the cold and snow. I am ready to do this, to let this go, but I just want to know that I am not wavering again. Back and forth. Back and forth. I am tired of wavering, see-sawing, and I am ready to be settled.
The Lord has asked me to consider this option, and I did briefly. My initial response was to obey what I knew to be true. I am to remain, to stay put, to be fixed on this path. However, as I have blogged previously, I also know and understand that "to remain" simply means to remain committed to His plan for my life. It is also to "stay put" as in focused on His will. Thus, I am already doing these things. The path I am on, the one that I believed was leading me to move away from Phoenix is just one of many options open to me at this time in my life. Phoenix is also a path, but I felt the Lord was preferring another route for me. Now, I am thinking He is simply saying to me that the "Phoenix path" is a viable option as well and that I should consider it instead.
I am not sure what will come to pass, but I know that with my new leased car, I am pretty much grounded for awhile. I can move, but not without the car, so really I think this is a mute point. I must remain where I am (fixed on His plan), I must stay put (committed to His will), and I must follow this path (Phoenix) until He tells me otherwise. He is good to me, and I trust Him with everything, every ounce of my life, every fiber in my being, and every single decision I am asked to make. Selah! It is done. So be it.